I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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