Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
