Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
