he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
