Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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