i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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