Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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