Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
