I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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