No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
