Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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