She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bring me that man meat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
