ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
