1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
