Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
