I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
