The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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