Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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