I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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