life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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