she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
