i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize