Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
