did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
