The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
