She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
