i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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