Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
