my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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