Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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