I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
