in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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