did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
