We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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