Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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