Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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