R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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