dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
