I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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