I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
