and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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