i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
