do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
