I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
