why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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