my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
