In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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