How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
