I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
