After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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