just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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