Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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