think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
