yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
